i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
