Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
