somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
