took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
