I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
