how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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