Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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