I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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