Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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