I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
