covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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