Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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