I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
