Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
