What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
