apparently the secret to your success is patron
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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