can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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