Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
