Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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