oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
