Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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