I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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