Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
