hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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