I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
