so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm like, not good at living.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
