I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
