"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
