the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
