Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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