I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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