why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
