i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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