You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
