Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
