So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
