i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
