I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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