On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
