it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
