You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
