Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am spending my child support on dildos
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
