this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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