I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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