its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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