We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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