she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
