Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
