i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this beer tastes like vomit already
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
