dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
