The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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