is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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