watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
