his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize