I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
