We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
