i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
