shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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