so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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