Don't you send me to vm
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
